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by insanely_obsessed_shipper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys Kissing, Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Karkat, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Polyamory, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanely_obsessed_shipper/pseuds/insanely_obsessed_shipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave find Karkat passed out in the bathroom. Fluff and comfort ensue.</p><p>UPDATE: This fic has been discontinued. Sorry Guys. :/</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I decided to write this, but I have no regrets.
> 
> Enjoy the angst, you sick fuckers.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are so fucking done.

Done with life.

Done with yourself.

You sigh as you press the blade into the soft skin of your thigh.

You can barely feel it any more.

At least you _can_ feel it.

You can't feel much nowadays.

You frown as the pain fades. You press a little harder.

Ah yes, there it is. The familiar sting feels strangely good.

You move the blade a bit lower and press in again.

After a few minutes, your thighs are riddled with cuts, some deeper than others. Your underwear is stained crimson.

You keep going.

You don't want to stop.

You don't think you can stop.

Soon, you're more cut up than you've ever been in your life. Your underwear is soaked with your blood.

You feel a bit faint.

You keep going.

It feels wonderful.

The blood is dripping down your legs, pooling on the toilet lid upon which you are seated.

You lean over to look at the floor.

You see the blood in little puddles there.

You feel so lightheaded. You feel yourself slump over. Your eyes close.

You hear your blade hit the tiles of the bathroom floor.

Then, you can't feel anything.

**Karkat: Be John.**

You are now John.

You are standing outside your friend Karkat's house, unsure of whether to knock.

_He's probably asleep._

_But he forgot his phone!_

_His family isn't even home._

_But. He forgot his phone._

_Does he really need it?_

_Yes!_

You knock.

You wait.

No answer.

You try the door handle.

It's unlocked.

You enter. It's not like you haven't been in his house before.

Quietly, you close the door behind you.

"Karkat?" You call tentatively.

No reply.

Instead of doing the sensible thing, which would be setting his phone on the nearby table and hastily retreating, you do the dumb thing.

You walk into the hallway. You see a light on.

"Karkat?" You call out again, a bit louder this time.

Still no reply. You walk towards the light, eventually reaching one of the bathrooms.

What you see when you turn the corner nearly makes your heart stop beating.

The first thing that goes through your head is a strong, resounding _NO_.

Then, that's all you can think.

You just stand in the doorway to the bathroom, trembling, mouth agape.

_NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!_

You feel something rising in your throat.

You run down the hall to where you know the wastebasket is.

You barely make it there before your dinner is gushing out of you.

You dry heave for a bit before you're able to stand up again.

You go to the kitchen and find some paper towels. You clean yourself up with trembling hands.

You reach into your pocket to take out your phone before you remember that you left it at home.

You reach into your other pocket and retrieve Karkat's phone. Your hands are so shaky that you almost drop it.

You manage to call your boyfriend.

**John: Be Dave.**

You are now Dave, and your phone is ringing.

You see that it's Karkat. You answer.

You greet him with a "Yo.".

Your eyes widen a bit when you hear sobbing.

That isn't what surprises you, however. No, Karkat has called you many a time when he is in the middle of a good cry. You don't judge. A dude's gotta feel some times, you know? It's like, a basic human need or some shit. Well, not for you. Striders don't cry. But for Karkat, crying is to him what irony is to you. It's a necessity.

No, what surprises you is that it isn't Karkat who called you from Karkat's phone.

For a moment, there's nothing but the sound of broken wailing. Then,

"John?" You ask, genuinely freaked out.

You manage to get your shit together enough to say, "John, shush. Talk to me, bro. Why are you callin' me from Karkles' phone?"

On his end of the line, John seems to be collecting himself.

You wait.

Eventually, he sniffles, "Dave. It's Karkat. You need to come over here right now."

That's all you need to hear. You mutter a quick "On it.", and hang up.

**Dave: Be Future Dave.**

You are now Future Dave, and you wish you were Past Dave again.

You're standing in the doorway of a bathroom. So is John, who looks like he might puke again.

You're feeling pretty sick yourself.

The sight before you looks like something out of a horror movie, to say the least.

Karkat is slumped in a little pile on the floor, in a pool of his own blood. You can see one of his legs, and the thigh is horribly mutilated. It's almost completely covered in cuts, and in some places, bits of flesh are missing. Well, not missing. You can see a few of them on the floor.

His skin and underwear are stained red.

There's blood on the lid of the toilet, where, from the looks of it, is where he was sitting.

The only thing that makes any of this even slightly okay to you is the fact that he's still breathing. You can see his chest rising and falling steadily.

**Dave: Flip the fuck out.**

You collapse on the carpet outside the bathroom, your body convulsing with sobs. Okay, so maybe Striders do cry. You don't even care right now.

You're pretty sure you now know how it feels to have your heart shatter.

It's fucking painful.

You don't know when John kneeled beside you, but he's petting your back now, and murmuring something.

Eventually, you make out the words.

"Dave, come on Dave, we've got to help Karkat, Dave, we need to be strong for him. Can you be strong for him?"

You're still heaving with dry sobs, but you nod.

Shakily, you both stand up and enter the bathroom.

You kneel in front of Karkat's small, crumpled body, and John soon follows.

"We need to get him to the hospital," John whispered.

"What? Oh hell no. They'd probably just lock him up, deem him insane or unsafe or something shitty like that. We're not putting him through that kind of crap," You retort.

John doesn't agree or disagree, just straightens Karkat out and picks up his legs, placing them on his shoulders. He looks at you, and you pick up his other half, using his armpits as handles.

Together, you and John carry him to his bedroom. You both place him on his bed, then you turn on the lamp.

The room is mostly empty, save for a bed, a bedside table, a lamp on said table, a dresser, and a journal on said dresser.

You can't help yourself. You pick up the journal.

John doesn't say anything. He's staring intently at Karkat, as though he's willing him to wake up.

You open the journal. Wait, scratch that. You open the _diary_.

The first page seems pretty normal. The whole thing seems to be just a bunch of random short entries.

You flip through the pages until you get to a drawing.

Some part of you dies a little.

The drawing is amazing. Karkat has some real talent.

The drawing is awful as well, however, as it depicts him hanging himself in a closet.

You go back several pages and start reading.

~~I don't think I can take it any more.~~

~~I might actually go through with it today, unless I chicken out, like last time.  
~~

~~I'm pretty sure no one will miss me.~~

~~I think I'll go with Plan V. It seems like the easiest by far.~~

~~Maybe I should tell them how I feel first, though.~~

~~Although, I wouldn't want to die with them hating me.~~

~~Actually, I think I'll wait another day.~~

You turn the page. You can't even begin to describe the pure terror you are feeling right now.

~~ I almost did it. ~~

~~ I couldn't go through with it. ~~

~~ I just couldn't bear the thought of never seeing or talking to them again. ~~

~~ Maybe I'll get through this. Maybe I'll get better. ~~

You turn the page again.

~~ I was kidding myself. I'll never get better. ~~

~~ It isn't like I deserve happiness, anyway. ~~

~~ I'm just a pathetic, scrawny kid with anger issues and two unrequited loves. ~~

~~ Who's like that? ~~

~~ Just me, I'm pretty sure. ~~

You take off your shades and set them on the dresser. You can feel tears streaming down your face. You turn the page.

~~ John and Dave came by today. They tried to make me feel better. ~~

~~ I pretended to be happy until they left.  
~~

~~ I feel awful about lying to them. ~~

~~ And I feel awful because I can't feel how they want me to feel. ~~

~~ Still, whenever I'm with them, I feel sort of almost close to happy. ~~

You blink in surprise. He was talking about you. You and John, that is.

You turn the page again.

~~ I was going to do it today, I really was. ~~

~~ But my family wasn't busy for once, so I wasn't able to get any time alone. ~~

~~ Tomorrow, I'll do it for real. ~~

~~ And no one will miss me. ~~

You rub at your eyes. You're about to turn the page again, but you hear a familiar groan coming from behind you. You hastily set the diary back on the dresser and close it.

**Dave: Be Karkat.**

You are now Karkat, and you're currently wondering what the fuck is going on. The last thing you remember is the bathroom, and your blade hitting the tiles, and... Oh god, you hope you aren't in the hospital. There'd be no way they'd ever let you out after what you did to yourself.

You crack your eyes open to see John, Dave, and... Your ceiling. Thank god. You're in your room.

But... But John and Dave are here.

Oh no.

Oh god.

Oh no.

Lord, how embarrassing. They must have carried you to your bed.

You squeeze your eyes shut.

"...Karkat?" John says softly.

Without opening your eyes, you reach down and grab your blanket, pulling it over you, effectively hiding your whole body.

Jesus, you must look really fucking stupid to them right now.

You feel someone tugging at the blanket. You hold on to it for a moment, then give up and let go.

You feel a slight chill as the blanket is pulled away from you.

You keep your eyes tightly closed.

"Karkat?" John says, softly, sensitively. "Karkat, will you look at me? Please?" His voice makes you want to curl up in a little ball and cry for hours.

You don't want to look at him. You shake your head.

"Please?" John repeats.

This time, you give up.

John and Dave are kneeling on either side of you, looking down at you with concern. And... Have they been... Crying? Oh hell no.

Without thinking, you reach up with both hands and poke at their cheeks. "Did I do this?" You ask in a small voice.

And then Dave tackles you.

It takes you a moment to realize that he's kissing you. You feel your face flush and your eyes go wide.

John is staring, dumbfounded.

Dave breaks away and hugs you. "He's acting... um... out of character," You say to John, hoping to bring out at least a smile.

Instead, John shoves Dave aside and leans over you with a sort of fierce expression on his usually cheery face.

And then _he's_ kissing you, hard, and hell if you know what's happening right now.

This time, you close your eyes and kiss him back.

**Karkat: Be Future Karkat.**

You are now Future Karkat, and you're the happiest you've been in about two years.

About an hour ago, your two favourite people admitted to being in love with you.

Now, you're lying on your side in a mess of blankets and pillows. Dave is pressed flush against your back, and you have your arm draped over John's side.

You think that maybe you'll make it, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I ain't even sorry.
> 
> I may or may not add another chapter that may or may not include smut. Y'all have been warned.


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